Monday, June 13, 2005

It's a weekly discussion that has occurred for the past several months. "Tell me about my family tree." "Who am I related to?" "Where did we come from?" It's been a multitude of questions about family origin and connections from my seven-year-old son Leo. And then during one afternoon car ride, Leo asked, "How did you meet Mom, Daddy?" The next several minutes were a fun and enjoyable recounting of how Di and I met; the places, the faces, the memories. And then Leo asked the ultimate question: "How did you know you wanted to marry Mom?"

This very question is one that should routinely be asked of each marriage partner at least each year of their married life. It is the very question on which one's relationship pivots; it is the very answer which places powerful purpose into this simple relationship. It is the very essence that breathed - and continues to breathe - greater love, deeper faith and higher hope into our life... if we let it. But somehow so many of us tend to quit asking the question and stop listening to the answer. Our life with this other person continues on once the the question has been placed on a shelf. And we can't understand, years down the road of our journey, how and why we've grown apart... Perhaps we simply forgot to ask the question and then live the answer.

To you, my married friends, I pose to you this very question: How did you know you wanted to marry ____? Take time today to listen to the answer that rises from your memory and your heart. How far have you distanced from the answer? And what will it take to bring you back to your answer?

It is said that June is the traditional month of marriage, since so many weddings occur and marriages begin in this month. This may be so, but it is all the remaining days of the year that a marriage is brought to life... by living out the answer to the question.

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Post Note: You may be wondering what my answer was to my son Leo to the question, "How did you know you wanted to marry Mom?" Although Leo may not understand it today, my answer to him was this:

"Mom was the answer to a prayer I had been praying for quite some time. Funny thing, I didn't go looking for the answer; it came looking for me...

You see, I have had the privilege of knowing and dating some pretty terrific female friends. [And to those friends, just be thankful you aren't married to me today (smile)] But your mom began as a dear friend and remains my best friend today. She had and has extreme patience with and eternal faith in me - in all my moods and moments. There was and is just something about her that makes me want to love her. And there is just something about her that makes me want to be a better person.

Simply said, Leo, I woke up one morning and I realized that I am much more as a person with your mom in my life, than without her. And it was that moment that the answer to my prayer came looking for me..."